Pip and Tom

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Mid-Summer Black and White

(Mason Jars - July 1 2008)

I wouldn’t want any life but mine.

For the photographer in all of us:

Click, Click, Click, Click (Camera)

Monday, June 30th, 2008

Relinquish

(Bauhaus Coffee, Seattle, WA)

Relinquish to the heat. Surrender to an uncertain future. Decide to make today full of wonder and unbridled joy.

Monday, June 30th, 2008

Quiet

(Pies and Pints, Seattle WA)

Things are quiet here.

Sunday, June 8th, 2008

Wendy

(Wendy Brown)

One day I will tell the story of Wendy and I. One day we’ll become a series of stories, old friends steady and deliberate…a quiet progression of intention and comfort. She is constant and richer every bit of lengthy time that goes by. The kind of person you don’t worry about changing with.

This was taken June 5 2008 at Old Time Alehouse in Ballard, WA. Me accompanying Wendy while she greeted some of the the messier parts of her past. This is her talking right at it.

Friday, May 30th, 2008

120 Film

(Kat Chapman and Jesse Palek-Zahn)

Yesterday, through the fog of fatique, Ben walked me through development of my first roll of black and white 120 film. After I fumbled through the rolling, confronted my fear of absolute darkness (successfully), and put the film through the wash cycle while still in the tank, I stumbled out of the center proclaiming success and a rain check to make my first print from the roll another time. I gave Ben a hug and called Courtney. I asked if we could meet for some fries and a beer. And we did, at Smith on 15th.

I’ve concluded that Smith on 15th is the hippest place on the planet. So hip it hurts.

Jesse and Kat walked over to chill with us for awhile. I had conversation through my fatigue. It felt great.

(First roll of 120 film ever)

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Between Here and Roslyn

Between Seattle and Roslyn Washington lays a bunch of green and blue. The foothills of the mountains, Snoqualmie Pass flipping quickly by the windows. Our little photography group took a trip this past week.

(Wendy Brown)

(Ben’s Hands)

(Otis Michael)

(Wendy Brown. Snoqualmie, WA)

(Ben Brackin)

(Ben Brackin)

(Ben Brackin)

(Abandoned Car. Cherry Valley, WA)

(Cherry Valley)

I am so lucky to have such amazing friends.

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Le Presse

(La Presse. May 28 2008)

La Presse makes me feel cool. Or uncool, depending. Today I couldn’t help but notice the bar keep’s shirt. Flannel in the summer! Seattle, I tell you…

(La Presse)

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Things I’ve Said to Myself in the Past 6 Months

I wish I was a better photographer.
I should cut my hair.
How can I fit everything in?
I shouldn’t have done that.
When was the last time I knit?
I’m a horrible mother.
Did I forget something this week?
I am worn out.

I am beautiful in motion.
I am in love with people.
The boys are stunning.
I did that right.
I’m a wonderful mother.
I take good photos when I’m not thinking about taking good photos.
New friends are fun and scary at the same time.
We are all small in the end.
What do I want to do?
I kick ass most of the time.
I’m okay with my flaws.

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Through the Seasons, the Weather and Time

(Seattle Skyline. May 17 2008)

(Alki Beach, Seattle WA. May 17 2008)

All day Saturday I was feeling off. Nervous and scattered. Literally over-tired from the lack of sleep throughout the week. I had scheduled some night shooting with Ben and Wendy and I didn’t want to cancel last minute, so I went out there and pushed through my mood.

Standing on that dock, photographing a minute at a time, that silent blackness that is your shutter suspending for long seconds, along with the sound of the water just lolling…something clicked and I felt at ease.

We humans truly need water in its natural state for inner peace. I realize this more than ever now. Never before had it created such a obvious transition in my mood. It was inspiring. As I was standing out there I had these fantasies of living near a body of water. Being able to photograph it over and over and over again. The same water through the seasons, the weather and time.

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

Joy

(Blu, reminding me to smile - May 2008)

Intuitively I know that a joyful state can’t be reached with an imbalance between work and play. But in this time, early motherhood, when everything else seems to be prioritized above simple joy, I find this balance exceedingly difficult to maintain. Recent discoveries have led us down the path of enlightenment when it comes to why our jobs have been so difficult with Aidie over the past 4 years. All the self judgement, the wondering why I just couldn’t hack it, wondering why the parenting techniques I’d researched just weren’t working, why it looked easier for other people, why our days from start to finish were so chaotic and all about control…

I’d been swimming in this lake by myself, afraid to reach out for help for fear of letting go of anything.

It’s looking like we’re dealing with a classic case of ADD or ADHD, and we’re in the process of reading and therapy and professional evaluation. And I’m also in a period of grieving for the parenting experience I will be missing. I’d always envisioned a relaxed, low-key, peaceful, low stress experience. Call me a hippie, or whatever, but that’s what I was shooting for. And I see now why that is not a possibility with Aidie, why it felt so painful fitting that square peg into that round hole.

After some mental rearranging this week, I’m making some room for this. I’m backing away from the ultra schedule for a bit and creating a roomy schedule, investing some time in joy making, and reveling in the alternative future we can have. How brilliant Aidie is, how skilled and out of the box. How energized…however disruptive that can be for public interaction. I’m gathering my strength to be his biggest and most joyful advocate. And we’re taking the pressure off of his little shoulders to act and be different than he’s capable of being. He’ll get enough of that from the rest of the world.

To joy, and all the little kids out there who swim upstream in this world.